Life Goes On
by Luvya
Summary: The aftermath of a big event, but the team knows that life has to go on and it will.
1. Chapter 1

**Life Goes On.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it. Only own the idea which you can't kill me over… at least I hope you can't.

**Summery: **The aftermath of a big enough event, that will change the SVU team forever- whether they like it or not.

**One**

We buried him on Monday.

George, Elliot, Fin and I where all pallbearers, Casey and Olivia walked behind us. Tall and proud, almost as though we where all giving each other strength- which in a way we where. His nephew and younger brother where also pallbearers- I'd met them both once before when he had landed himself in hospital due to a bullet in his stomach. That was before the rest of the squad had became members of SVU which shows how long ago it was.

As I stand looking at his gave I am amazed at how many flowers he had received in the past two days. We'd all been given a week off to grieve for our fallen leader but I still wasn't sure how everyone had been doing.

"I didn't know you where going to be here," A voice remarked and I turned to see Elliot standing there in jeans and a sweatshirt looking worn and tired, he probably also saw the same in me.

"Couldn't think of anywhere else I'd rather be than the prescient and I'd probably be kicked out if I went there." I remarked with a small smile which he gave back in return.

"Guess you and I think the same, Munch." I blink as I hear a car door slam, as does Elliot.

"What's the bet that it's either Fin or Olivia?" I inquire not turning around and inwardly wondering how we had semi chosen his grave site as a meeting place.

"Chances are that you'd end up being right so I'm not willing to take that bet," Elliot responded without batting an eye- for the first time since I heard the news I laughed. Something that was almost foreign to my lips.

"Fancy seeing you two here," My partners voice comments and I give him a small smile which he returns, "how have you been?" A question to the both of us but as normal I beat Elliot to answering.

"Fine," A simple answer automatic answer that they all have probably been giving since the news, I however then turn to Elliot with a serious look, "You're right you would have lost." I duck as Elliot moves to give a friendly punch and then almost immediately we all remember where we are and turn sombre again.

"Well I guess my plan of being original failed today," Her soft voice remarks, "probably should have gone to the prescient after all" She adds as an afterthought and all three of us laugh.

"Wait you two had the same thought?" Fin asks shaking his head, "that's it we spend way to much time together."

"Who do you think will replace him?" Elliot inquires and I close my eyes not wanting to think about it. There would never be anyone that could replace him. Not really.

"Munch." Fin's voice breaks me from my thoughts I open my eyes thinking he was getting his attention, however he looked completely serious.

"Huh?" The word was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Had I missed something in those two seconds? I look Olivia and Elliot who both where nodding, no help there. I then look at his gravestone almost trying to figure out what I had missed unless, "you're suggesting I'll be…" I couldn't finish the sentence. Not there anyway.

"You'd make a good one, Munch." Olivia supplied as I looked all three of them in shock. No, I couldn't. It was too soon.

"It would be easier than bringing someone else in," Elliot put in and I looked at him as though he had grown an extra head.

"You'd have to train a rookie," I put that comment to Fin, hoping that would stop his line of thinking.

"They'd have to find someone first," He points out and I nearly sink in to the snow. I began to wonder how he had made this decision in the first place. How had he come into the position? With all the conversations with the man he had never told me.

"You'd be able to make up all the theories you want to," Her soft voice points out. That was at least true. I shook my head though.

"Sound's like you three are the ones making crazy theories," I comment hearing a groan from Fin, "'sides they'll probably bring someone in from another department anyway." They'd never choose me. I think to myself. No way in hell.

"You know when you start sounding like Munch, you're hanging around him too often," Another voice comments joining the group, "didn't realize this was such a popular meeting spot."

"Casey, how have you been?" I wince at the automatic sentence but am inwardly glad that I have a way of changing the subject.

"Well although it's going to sound bad I've been fine." Her voice is light and for a few moments I do believe her, "so why are you all sounding like Munch?"

"We're telling him that he'd make a good Captain and he's telling us that it sounds like one of his conspiracy theories." Fin commented and I glare at him, so much for a change of subject.

She narrows her eyes at me and I squirm under her stare. She does make a rather decent ADA. Something I've never quite realized until now. Well to be more precise something I've not quite wanted to realize until now.

"It makes sense," This time I'm glaring at her. I don't want to be a Captain. I don't want to take over his job. It wouldn't seem right. Why can't they see that?

"I don't want to," I finally state bluntly starting to leave even though I don't really want to. I hear Fin calling after me. I can't turn around even though I want to. They'll try to convince me more and I can't handle it. Not yet.

Finally I reach my car and I sink into the seat. My hand is shaking so I don't start it up yet, turning out to be a mistake when I look up to see Olivia standing by my window. Sighing I wide it down.

"What?" I half snapping, half something else that I'm not sure of. I know what she's coming to talk about.

"Can we talk?"

"Isn't that what you're here to do anyway?" I question rolling my eyes and she just shrugs in response.

"I could be asking for a ride home," She points out and I smirk, something that I've been doing a lot lately since he died.

"I thought that Elliot was your cabbie," I comment and she laughs for a couple of moments and then stops, "odd isn't it?" I comment and she looks at me.

"What's odd?"

"Laughter, when you hear that someone close to you has died you think that you'll never laugh or be happy again. Then when a miracle does happen and you actually laugh immediately afterwards you feel guilty. So you stop. Am I right?" She nods and I lean back in my seat, "come in and sit. I'll be your temporary cabbie for this evening."

"Why don't you want to be Captain, John?" She asks bluntly after we've started driving, leaving our partners behind.

"Olivia…" I start and then stop, wondering how to word my thoughts, "how would you feel if they came up to you after someone that you thought of as a father or brother died and be asked to take their job?" She's quiet for a moment and then her eyes widen, knowing how I feel.

"Guilty" I nod glad that someone finally sees my side.

"I've known Don for years Olivia. He was like a brother to me and to take his position like that would be…" I pause trying to find the words for it, "strange"

"They've already come to you about it?" I nod, keeping my eyes on the road, "what did you say?"

"I couldn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. They told me I had a week to make my mind up." I finally pull into a park. I can't talk about this and drive at the same time. It was too hard.

"Did they say why they chose you?"

"Don apparently had put me down as first choice if anything had happened to him." My voice was soft and I wondered if she could hear me. My shoulders shook slightly and heard Olivia let out a breath.

"John, Don obviously planned out these things in case it happened. He knew you would make a good leader just like Elliot, Fin, Casey and I do. You can do this. You would have all of us behind you what ever decision you make. You even have Don behind you."

"But…" I start but before I can finish she interrupts me.

"As soon as Elliot asked that question Fin immediately said you. If Fin hadn't I would of done so we all think the same. We all where trying to convince you back there and if we didn't believe in you that much we wouldn't of said it." She stops and I start up the car, silence fills the rest of the ride but I couldn't help but think about what Olivia had just said. They believed in me that much? Soon I pulled up to Olivia's apartment building and as she got out she gave me a hug, "Just think about what we said."

I did think. I drove for a long time and thought. Some how I managed to get back to my apartment almost an hour later. I knew what I was going to do. Something that still scared me but something that I had to do.

After I had unlocked my door and relocked it again. I went over to the phone, picked up the card that had been sitting next to the phone for the last day and a half and dialled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Life Goes On**

**Two**

It took me one whole week of immediately heading to my desk beside Fin's and then being reminded that I had been promoted by whoever was there at the time. Then giving said person a smug look and a comment of 'I knew that I was testing to see if you lot would notice.' Then heading to Don's- sorry my office to check and answer the answer phone messages.

Fin seemed to be breaking my replacement in and he seemed to be doing a pretty good job of it as well. Captain Munch was one thing that is still taking time for me to get used to. It just grew hard at times. Watching my friends, my family- joke on almost as though I wasn't there.

I sometimes wondered if that was how Don felt. Watching us talking and joking in a unit, it could always be the reason he came out many times to tell us off and get back to work. I knew I wanted to do the same thing. To joke with Fin again and just be plain old Detective Munch. But I also knew I couldn't go back.

I'd been narrowing my visits to Don's grave down to once a week. One thing that I often wondered if the rest of the squad had been doing. I hadn't seen them outside the office all together since that day and I wondered briefly why?

"So Don, I can see how challenging this job was for you now." I finally comment to the headstone, "trying to convince Benson, Fin and Stabler to go home? An extremely hard task and I have no idea how you did it. Feel like sharing a few secrets with me? Captain to Captain?"

"Sticking around for the whole day might help," A wry voice comments and I almost jump in surprise.

"Fin, are you TRYING to give me a heart attack? For a minute there I thought you where Don." I said catching my breath.

"Don't worry old man you've still got some banter in you. Plus I need to annoy you somehow now that you've gone and left me with a rookie," I laugh.

"You where the one who suggested it," I point out with a wry smile, "well actually it was Don, Olivia, Elliot and yourself who suggested it." I corrected myself almost instantly.

"Now Cragan would tell you off for leaving early you know." Fin reprimanded holding back a smile.

"Yeah but who's the boss and anyway I can also tell you off for leaving early." I pointed out with a smirk. Fin laughed.

"It was only half an hour plus the boss had already gone." Fin pointed out. I heard two cars door slam shut and I smile, "Liv and Elliot?"

"How could you ever guess?" Fin asked wryly.

"I'm your captain, I don't guess. I know." I hear Olivia's soft laugh and turn to great them.

"Spoken like a true Captain, Munch we have to stop meeting like this." Elliot said with laughter in his voice and I couldn't help but nod and agree.

"It's Ironic that we meet here of all places isn't it?" I ask, my voice suddenly going small. There where two nods and one shake of a head. We looked at the offender and she sighed.

"It isn't when you think about it. I mean no offence Munch but Cragan was our first leader and will always be our father figure. Your like Cragan's brother who stepped into the role of being an authorised parent. You've adopted us when no-one else wanted us." Olivia explained and I couldn't help but snort.

"Are you sure you're in the right position there Liv? Because that sounded spot on to me." It's almost as though the structure of our little group hasn't changed. That we haven't lost one member and I haven't moved up.

"You suggesting I should take up a new job Cap? Because then you'd have to get another new rookie and we all know how Stabler would take to that," We all laugh as Elliot puts on the most hurt like face he can gather up.

"I'm hurt Liv, wounded right here." He touches his heart and I smile. This is how it should be like. At least this is how I hope it will stay.

"Well remember that next time you leave me with a whole pile of paper-work." I can't help but smile. It's almost as though here at Don's grave we can be our old selves. Have nothing change.

"How's Thomas working out?" I question finally after the jibing between Olivia and Elliot stop. The three fall silent and I wonder what's wrong but don't push the matter and after a few moments Fin begins to talk.

"He's going alright. I mean he's not you or anything Munch- don't get it into your head that I miss your skinny arse or anything it's just he's not a quick as thinker as you where." Fin falls silent although this time I pick up on it. Not waiting for Elliot's or Olivia's theories.

"It's not his fault Fin. He hasn't had the time on SVU that I've had. It's different from him. You've had what is it? Three years now. He's only had one week. Remember when you started out. Put yourself back there and you get him. He's a good cop and he'll stick around if you let him Fin,"

"You quoting Cragan now Munch? You know you're really going to need to get some new speeches," Elliot says with a smirk and I look in wonder at him.

"He gave you the same speech? Damn I hoped that no-one would recognize it." I sighed, acting defeated.

"Replace the he's with she's and yeah you've pretty much got the same speech. Except for that he hadn't had the time on SVU that I've had. Good add in there."

"Thought it was," Fin and Olivia's eyes are wide while I realize something quite happily.

"Well at least we know he'll most likely stick it out. Cragan didn't give me the same speech with Cassidy and Jefferies." I comment remembering, "that means I won't have to find three new partners for you, buddy-boy"

"That's something to look forward too," Fin comments wryly he then turns to Olivia, "Now how come we didn't get the same speeches?"

"No idea. Wait you didn't get the 'wait it out he's just getting over the change of a new partner' speech did you?" Olivia asked and Fin laughed nodding his head.

"Couldn't even give us originality nice one chief," Fin gave Don's headstone a thumb up.

"Hey think you guys could give me the speeches? I'll need it when Thomas comes to me about you Finny," He winced at the nickname.

"As you called me Finny, I'm sorry to say no Cap," we all laughed and I smugly smiled back at Fin.

"You shouldn't have told me the nickname then detective." I then smirked and sighed when my cellphone started to ring, "evil thing. Munch"

I listen patiently while doing so I inwardly groan. Another case, another late night. I give a guilty look to the three detectives standing in front of me, still giving me the curious look, wanting to know the new case.

"Alright Detectives Stabler and Benson will be on the scene soon and Detectives Thomas and Tutuola will be there shortly afterwards- Tutuola has to go and pick up Thomas on the way. Yes, yes thank you Cassidy bye."

I feel old and worn at the information Brian Cassidy has given me. This case is going to hit home for all four of us and it would probably if he was alive hit home for Don as well.

"Cap? What is it?" I sigh at the formal tone inwardly wondering how Don handled cases like these. I could sure use advice now.

"Brian Cassidy found a murder victim on the way home- corner of forty-four and forty-third street looks like she was raped before killed, called us first." I hate doing this without Thomas and on Don's gravesite but I also can't help but notice the irony of it, "Detectives- before you go to it you need to know it was…" I pause wondering if I can get it out.

"It was…" Olivia prompted and I wondered if she knew it was someone they wouldn't want it to happen to.

"Monique Jefferies," I finally say bluntly. Olivia and Elliot's eyes are almost as wide as they can go while Fin's looked blank and then I realize- Fin wasn't there when she was. He wouldn't know. It wouldn't be personal for him, "Fin, you and Thomas are going to be primary detectives on this case- Benson, Stabler you'll be secondary."

"John-"Olivia started to protest immediately and just as quickly I started to shake my head.

"No Olivia. It's too personal for either of you two. Fin wasn't here when Jefferies was. Thomas wouldn't know her if he had to pick her out of a crowd. You two would." She glares at me and I glare back. Finally she breaks the glare and storms off. I sigh.

"Elliot go after her. I trust you're not going to argue me on this." I say as a second thought and he shakes his head.

"No you're right Munch, it would be too personal." I nod as Elliot chases after her while Fin gives me a questioning look.

"Who was she?" I sigh wincing at the case before I'd even seen it.

"My old partner."

Two hours later I'm sitting back in my office nearly shaking. How the hell Don managed to not drink through cases like these I literary had no idea. He had a lot of self control than I realized.

"Munch," I close my eyes at the sound of the name. I don't need this. Not now anyway. I want to go back to my happy little conspiracy filled world and blame the government on everything. It made life simple.

Yet I couldn't and I didn't want to admit it but I missed that world. I missed it more than I could want to at times, "What is it Benson?" I finally manage to get out.

"Fin needs to interview you." I groan. I hate being the one in the interview chair. They all know it and yet they're forcing me to be in it now.

"Right I'll be there in a second." I take one final look at the evidence bag and the note inside it causing me to sigh.

_Congratulations on your Captainship, Munch._


	3. Chapter 3

**Life Goes On**

** Authors Note: **Please Note in my universe John Munch DID pass his sergeant's exam, lieutenant's exam and Captain's exam. ALSO it John's name was left as a suggestion. The department just happened to take it.

**Three**

My first serious case included a hostage situation where two of my best detectives where inside. I couldn't help but wonder about the conspiracy of the situation. An ex-partner had been killed, my A.D.A had been seriously injured and my immediate ex-partner and his partner where currently the ones being hostages.

I had walked away from the building that held my two detectives and was taking a breath. I knew I couldn't leave the site but I also knew where I wanted to be and it certainly wasn't there or the station house.

"Munch?" I wanted to know how Don had handled cases like these. I didn't want to do it.

"Yeah Stabler?" I finally manage to get out. Olivia hasn't left Casey's side since she was injured. She offered to come down to the hostage situation but I said no. That she should stay with Casey.

"Benton wants to speak with you." I groan. Derek Benton the one person who was able to make my life the living hell that it was. I had gone to high school with him, then a few years back I had ended up arresting him on a rape case with Cassidy.

"Fine," I finally bark out the lack of sleep starting to get to me. I had had about three hours sleep since finding out that Fin and Thomas where both hostages. George stood beside me waiting to give me prompts so I could get the two out safely, which was our main concern for the time being.

I took a deep breath before taking the microphone that connected us to Benton. I knew I couldn't screw this up because otherwise I'd have two dead detectives and nobody wanted that. Well I sure as hell didn't anyway.

"Derek," I stated in what I hoped was a calm way. It was the only way I could get through this phone call. Staying calm and collective. I'd been through hostage situations before and knew that was how Don handled phone calls with the captor.

"Captain Munch. So nice to hear from you again, what has it been? Four years now?" His voice sent chills down my spine. Someone who used to be a friend in high-school was now out to get me.

"Four years." I responded not letting my feelings in my voice. I couldn't for the sake of Fin and Thomas, "what do you think you're going to get out of this Derek?" George nodded at the question and I was glad that I thought of it. Maybe I would get some insight, something that I could grab a hold of.

"Well my main goal now is to make your life a living hell John, how am I doing so far?" I pause for a few moments and then respond.

"I'd actually say you're doing quite well. Normally I'd tell you I already have that position filled in my life but you've so far beaten them. Congratulations on the promotion Derek." I'm still calm although I want sarcasm in that last sentence. I want to put other emotions in, but I can't. I know I can't.

"I'm quite glad that my goal is working successfully then John. But shouldn't I be the one congratulating you?" Derek inquired and I blinked for a few moments.

"You already have Derek. Remember the note?" I pause for a few moments and then start talking again, "can I talk to Detective Tutuola? He can pass the phone back to you immediately afterwards, I swear." I needed to talk to Fin and make sure that everything was alright.

"You have five minutes John. Then you'll have to pass it back." George looked at me slightly concerned, but I knew Don would have done the same thing.

"Alright," I agreed and officers around me looked at there watches. This had to go well.

"John," Fin's voice came through the microphone and Elliot and I immediately shared a look. It didn't sound like the Fin we knew.

"Fin, you alright?" It was the automatic question again and I was starting to hate it but I had to know. Something was going on.

"Yeah, Thomas is fine as well." He had added that part on and I sighed in relief.

"Well stay alright; I don't think Don would be too happy to see you so soon." I could hear a hollow laugh and that warmed me. Elliot snorted behind me while Huang gave a small smile.

"Yeah don't think he would be either. Cap…" I closed my eyes, Fin's voice had grown slightly nervous and that scared me, something that I wouldn't admit anywhere else, "he's got a gun pointing at Thomas. I have to give the phone back now."

"Right. I mean it though Fin, don't go joining Don," All laughter had gone from my voice as I heard the phone be passed back.

"So Captain, you've heard your partner- sorry ex-partners voice. Happy now?" I closed my eyes willing the calmness I had earlier to come back.

"Thank you for giving me that opportunity, Derek." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. It's almost as though I'm on automatic pilot. Like the government or something is controlling me.

"You're welcome. Now I really have to go. Catch you later John," He hangs up before I can protest and I nearly wince. I should of stopped him. Done something. I turn to the nearest officer.

"How do we get them out?" I demand. This has to end, like it should have ended an hour ago. Why hadn't it? Why couldn't they get Fin and Thomas out?

"How…" The officer started to repeat and I nearly looked around for the nearest poll. Fortunately, or unfortunately there wasn't any in sight.

"How do we get them out?" I growled out again. I felt Elliot's hand on my back and I wondered if I had the energy to shrug it off.

"Captain," Elliot started and I silenced him with a simple glare. I was going to get them out.

"Look there are two of MY detectives in there and legally or illegally I'm going to try and get them out." I informed the officer not blinking.

"John," Elliot tried again and I put a hand up to stop him from talking. Something that I would never think of doing, but it was getting to me. I knew that.

"Leave it, Stabler." I growled out, hoping that I wouldn't have to argue with him.

"No," I whirled around to face him. For a few moments my mind was wondering what to say, if I could say anything. However my pride and anger got the better of me.

"Are you disobeying an order Stabler?" I asked my voice cold. Elliot's face looked guilty but he nodded his head. Suddenly the situation had vanished it was just Elliot and I.

"Yes I am, Captain" his voice was almost as cold as mine. Yet we didn't care. I glared at him and he glared back, "you're letting your emotions get in the way of the situation. If we where at the station I'd tell you to go on the roof. But we're not so I'm going to tell you to sit in the car and calm down." I stared at him for a few moments then without saying a word I stormed off, heading towards my car.

I hate admitting I'm wrong. That's one thing everyone in the SVU team has in common. It was even harder to admit that I'm wrong now that I'm Captain. Just like trying to say I'm sorry.

"Why did you die Don?" I whispered while closing my eyes, "I need your help. I can't handle this on my own." No answer came but I didn't expect it so I wasn't surprised. I would have been more surprised if I had an answer.

However I was on my own. I only wished the government had a how to guide. The only time I've ever wanted something from the actual government.

I took a deep breath while slowly opening my eyes. I realized then that I had calmed down. Something that I hadn't thought was possible ten minutes earlier. I took a deep breath before getting out of the car and returning to the scene.

"Did I miss anything?"

Two hours later the scene was resolved with only two injures. One was to Benton and the other was mine when he shot me in the leg coming out. Fin had been the one to shoot Benton but that didn't matter. My two detectives where safe and unharmed. That was all that mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Life Goes On**_

_**Four**_

The hospital only kept me in overnight which I was internally grateful for. I took one day off so I could recuperate which included a visit to Don's grave. By myself this time, none of the members ended up at the grave site for the simple reason- they where all at work. Well I hoped Elliot hadn't ended up giving them the day off.

I'd given Elliot temporary Captainship because he was the next suitable in line. Then if anything- god for bid happened to him it would be Olivia, then Fin and so forth. It made sense.

I slept in for the first time in years. Something that had surprised me but the last case had taken its toll on me so in a way it worked. Then for the rest of the day I caught up with my conspiracy theories- something that I hadn't managed to do since Don had died. It felt nice to be relaxed. It was something that I had missed. Probably something that everyone had missed.

But the next day I had to go into work, something that I wasn't really looking forward too. I didn't have to do any leg work which I was semi grateful for. Correction, I wouldn't have to do any leg work unless my detectives got into trouble. Something that I hoped wouldn't happen.

When I walked into the room I realized that the power had shifted. Until today I had still been regarded as detective Munch, co-worker and friend. Now I was their boss. Not their colleague. Their boss and I wasn't sure if I liked it.

"Morning, Cap." I nod a hello and I want to instantly wince, except I hold it back. Some part of me still wants to be the one sitting by Fin's desk joking with the rest of the squad. I want Don to be alive. I want to turn back time, and not accept the Captainship.

Except another part of me now doesn't. I like being the leader of these four detectives. I know they work well together. They always will and I accept that.

I head to my office and sit down. Looking up at the knock at my door, surprised to see James Thomas standing there. Is it time to give my wait it out speech to him?

"Captain, can I talk to you for a moment?" I know for a fact my eyebrow is raised so I lower it, back to its normal placing.

"Sure James, what is it?" He looks nervous and I have to hold back a laugh. I've been waiting for this talk because everyone in the unit has had it. Not just Fin and Olivia. Elliot and I had as well. It's quiet for a few moments as I wait patiently for James to speak.

"Do you ever wish that you hadn't taken this job? That you hadn't joined this unit?" My eyebrow rises again. I wonder if Don had encountered this question.

"Every single day," I state simply and this time its James's turn to raise an eyebrow, except his is in confusion. So I lengthen my statement, "then I wonder who else would do the work? Who else would want to do this job? Who else could do this job? We do this job because in a way we want to. You wouldn't have applied for this unit if you hadn't. Neither would Fin, Olivia or Elliot. You all have your reasons for applying and I'm not going to ask what yours is. It's for you to give up at your discretion." I warn. I'm actually enjoying giving this speech out. I don't know why but I am.

"Why did you join SVU? If you don't mind me asking Captain?" I give him a small wry smile. Something that he will get used to in time; he'll also drop the formality soon. At least I hope so.

"To keep the rapists off the streets," I say simply and laugh showing James out of my office, "just remember James- if you don't do it, who does?"

Three and a half hours later I'm trying to get Olivia to go home. She and Elliot have been working on a case for the last three days and I know the lack of sleep is getting to her. Elliot left half an hour ago- but that was with Olivia's help and now I'm trying to get her to take her own advice.

"Benson, you need your sleep. You know that as well as I do- that's why you sent Stabler home. Why not take your own advice?" I urge hoping that she would listen this time. Seeing the doubt in her eyes I turn to look at Fin hoping that he would help out, "At least have an hour of sleep in the crib. Fin will get you if anything turns up."

"Yeah Liv, you look like you need it." Fin joins in and although he doesn't know it I'm grateful, "the cribs there for a reason. Use it."

"Gee thanks guys," She looks at James and I almost feel sorry for the rookie. She's going to try and use him against us and I can tell Fin sees it too, "Thomas, what do you think?"

James looks like a dear caught in a headlight and I manage to hold back a snort. For a couple of seconds he looks at Fin, Olivia and I obviously wondering whose side he should pick. I don't blame him, if he's wise he'd pick mine but you never want to get in between a battle.

"Well I guess… there is the standard rule that you need eight hours sleep a day…" He trails off and I can't help but be slightly proud of him. Trying to figure out a safe way out, however he hasn't made it. Fin knows it. Olivia knows it and I know it. However the battle is now in my favour, so I don't actually mind.

"Fine," she growls out and I can't help but smirk in victory. She storms up to the crib.

"Congratulations Thomas, you made it through your first when to sleep battle with no injuries." Fin laughs at my remark and I head back into the office pausing for a moment at my door way, "although I better not have to fight you two either."

"Yes Dad," The words are out before Fin realizes what he's saying. His eyes are wide and I know how he's feeling. At least, a part of it. Have I really replaced Don? He was the father of our unit; before I know what I'm doing I'm sitting back in my chair with my door shut.

I don't want to replace Don. That's not my intentions and I hope Fin, Elliot and Olivia know that as well as I do. It's like Olivia said I'm the Uncle that's thrown into the role. I don't want to be the father, yet somehow I am.

"Munch," I look up to see Fin standing there looking almost the same as I do. I wonder if that's fair, "It just came out, like a joke…" he's stuttering and that's something that Fin hardly ever does.

"I don't want to replace him, Fin." I finally say, "I never wanted to replace him. He's…" I pause not knowing what to say.

"He's gone, John. As in not coming back, you're not going to replace him. You've already shown that in handling Thomas and that last case. Thomas went into your office shaking when he came out he had a smile on him. You calmed him down on your own with out Don." I look at Fin curiously.

"He was shaking?" Fin nods and I close my eyes.

"He'd been sitting there since seven o'clock waiting for you. Normally he's here at about eight. Something you said relaxed him. Life goes on John. Don's probably watching this up there with a smile. He knew what he was doing when he put you down as a suggestion. I knew what I was doing when I said your name. You make a good captain, Olivia, Elliot and James all agree." I open my eyes and I agree with Fin. Life really does go on, even if something big happens to you. You get up and you move on.

The End.

**Notes: **James Thomas is the fourth member on the team. My own character nothing more nothing less.


End file.
